Monday, June 04, 2012

Open Letter, 1st Back Porch Edition

(c) 2012 Ms. Huis Herself at

Dear Laptop,

I know we've known each other for less than 24 hours, but I think I like you.  I think I like you a lot.  Sure, we're going through a few getting-to-know-you quirks, like me learning how to type on your flat little keyboard instead of the ergonomic one on the old desk top, or the fact that I keep accidentally hitting caps lock.  But this touch thingie instead of a mouse is kinda handy, your screen is huge, and it's sure pleasant to be typing away sitting out on the back porch on this beautiful day.

Yup, I think we're going to get along just swell!

The Typist

Dear Hawks,

I miss you.  I know your nesting tree was blown over in that big storm that happened on the second day of school, but the sheer number of chipmunks, rabbits & squirrels we've got around here is just crazy.  Back when you were raising your young right next door, they certainly weren't so prevalent... or so BOLD!  Heck, the chipmunks just keep foraging around in the backyard when I hang up the clothes on the clothesline!  And don't get me started on the bunnies.  I mean, it was cute when I found that tiny hamster-sized baby one when I was mowing (fortunately for us all, he was hopping out of the way, but still...), but I do have a garden to defend.  

Also, I prefer your predations to those of the neighbor's cat (presumably), who likes those baby bunnies, or at least their heads, and leaves their decapitated little corpses next to our playground.  

The cycle of life says how 'bout you cycle your way back over to our neck of the woods?

Dear Hubs,

This back porch you've reconstructed sure is pleasant.  Sorry you have to be stuck at work on such a lovely day!  'Course, if you were here, you'd likely be pounding/cutting/smashing/building... and I'd be seeing not quite so much wildlife.

Your Wife

Dear Hawks,

Do you eat woodchucks?  'Cuz I forgot to mention our neighbor has a family consisting of at least one parent & 5 little 'uns living under his shed.  Little woodchucks are kinda cute, but I really don't think we want them deciding this area is great for an extended family paradise.

Yum Yum Groundhogs! 

Dear Stupid Across the Street (often drunk) Neighbors (most likely),

June is not July.  I know fireworks are legal in this state, but c'mon. Every night?  Last night was a Sunday night & you were shooting them off after 10 pm.  That's not cool.  Knock it off.  I will come over and politely ask you to stop.  Then, if necessary, I can politely call the police & ask them to ask you to stop.  How 'bout you just get a little more polite re: 10pm is quiet time & we'll all be happier, mmm'kay?

Seriously, have you no clocks?


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