Open Letters to Wildlife

(c) 2008 Ms. Huis Herself at musenmutter.blogspot.com

Dear small, scratchy, crawly whatever living in the office walls,

I was willing to ignore you when I heard you all summer and early fall when you'd do your little scratchy noise at about 10 or 11 every night. I figured you were that little bat that we'd seen sitting up high on the back porch. You eat mosquitos; I'll cut you some slack.

Then we got tired of the bat poop on the back porch and Mr. Kluges caulked it up. The little bat found a new home.

...

But somehow there is still/again scratching around 10 pm.

Mouse, or whatever you are, you are on notice. We've not seen hide, nor hair, nor poop of you in our house itself, but if you dare show one whisker outside of the walls, BAM! The traps will be coming back out!

Sincerely,
Wishin' mouse poop counted as insulation, 'cuz there's probably an icky, icky amount in the walls



Dear owl pair,

I think you're really cool. I mean, how many couples have such lovely, long conversations. And they seem very amiable - lower voice hooting to higher voice, who replies politely. Loud, rambling conversations they are too, since we can often hear you inside our house. You even let me see you - well, your shadowy shapes, anyway - flying through the trees in back a few weeks ago when I was out shoveling at night. And Mr. Kluges got to see you tonight. You're cool.

Now, can we talk about two little things? One, would you mind helping us out with the scratchy wall-dweller? If he ever ventures outside, do you think you might find him tasty? I bet you would! Two, once summer comes (as I keep telling myself it will), would you mind reducing your volume? 'Cuz if I can hear you so well now, through the closed windows and storms, I can't imagine how wake-up-y-loud you're going to be this summer with the windows open.

Thanks!
Your non-feathered fan


Dear squirrel(s),

You know that snow bank you've been frequenting, looking for the bread crusts I occasionally throw outside to supplement your mysterious acorn shortfall? (And I totally agree there is one, 'cuz our first fall ('07) we were seriously considering wearing hard hats in the backyard to protect from the acorns falling tens of feet from our two huge oaks. This past year ('08), nada.)

Well, now that it's nearly the end of January, I finally finished putting the last of the holiday decorations away. Like, today. Yay for me!

Which matters to you why? Well you see, that gingerbread house we made? Is now in your snow bank. Happy sugar rush to you.

Sincerely,
The people who watch you out the window and laugh when you get your nose full of snow