Friday, December 01, 2006

Confessions of a Nighttime Worrier

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copyright 2006 by Ms. Huis Herself
Please read this at www.musenmutter.blogspot.com
because that is the REAL site. Thank you!
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Looking back over the last few post I gotta say I've been a bit heavy on the Pumpkin side. Well, I guess she's just been a funny girl lately, and I do spend virtually all of my time with her, so it's not too surprising. But tomorrow night a bunch of us moms who go to Gymboree and The Planet together are going out on the town for the night - and leaving the kiddies with their daddies. Yay!

But that's not what I was going to write about. You see, I have a confession to make.

I am a nighttime worrier.

I don't know about the rest of you, but if I wake up in the middle of the night, my brain just starts going on and on and on. And it's not counting my blessings - no, it's dwelling on my fears and concerns.

Like, for example, our house in the States is currently unrented. But of course, the bank still expects the mortgage to be paid. And when we decided to rent out the house when first moving here we knew it might be empty sometimes, so we made sure we had a bit of a cushion. Well, our first tenant ended up only paying his damage deposit and first month's rent, then living there for some time after that until finally breaking the lease and taking off! And he didn't leave it in mint condition either. Yeah, a scumbag no-rent-paying tenant will eat through your cushion pretty dang fast, you know! And we have yet to see any money out of that situation, and who knows if we ever will... And of course if we'd have to sell it, well, that would involve a trip back ($), doing some fix-ups ($), and hoping it doesn't take too long to sell... Oh, and did I mention that we replaced the entire roof in July? ($$) So that's a favorite topic for my nighttime worries.

And then there's the whole moving-back mess to dwell on. We never planned on this being a permanent move, but we wanted to give it a try since we'd always talked and dreamed about living overseas. Well, I'd like to move back before too very much longer goes by. I'd like Pumpkin to get to see her grandparents more. I miss our friends and family. I'd like to have a house of our own again. And it'd be different if it were just us two here 'cuz we could take long weekends and drive all over the country or pop over to the continent (yay for cheap flights) and really take advantage of being here in Europe. But with Pumpkin... well, she's not a bad traveller, but it just gets a lot more complicated and the amount of time you can spend in the car goes down drastically.

So when, where, how to move back? Mr. Kluges's company is in the process of being bought out. His division might not see as much change as some other parts, but even so, it really lessens the chances of him managing to convince them to relocate him back (to WI, but still, much closer). So then we'd have to deal with a long-distance job hunt, plus the expense of moving ourselves back, thinking about where we want to settle down and live for the next long time...

And my brain churns and churns and churns through all this stressful crap. And then I can't sleep. And then it just keeps churning.

*sigh*

So I guess this much-heavier-than-usual post is a combination of venting and sending out a plea for your good thoughts and wishes. I mean, they helped Ang's permits come through, so maybe they'll find us a good renter.

And thanks for slogging through a much more depressing than usual post. To those of you who just popped over from Kittenpie's blog based on her flattering recommendation, I apologize for the downer post, but feel free to buzz through some archives for more of an upper, 'k? And to those of you who have been reading for a while (and most of whom know me from real life), thanks for sticking it out and for your good thoughts.

(And man, can you tell I'm overdue for a night out and de-stress evening? Good thing I'm going out with the girls tomorrow night!)

5 comments:

Syl Wylvia said...

As always, I am sending you my good thoughts and wishes for a decent renter and some solutions, or at least some respite from worry. I have a little experience in that department (but the Zoloft has been a godsend).

Wait out the buy-out and see where that takes you. Or start looking online for stuff back here. I don't think we're currently hiring, but we do employ about half the people you know.

Mary P. said...

I do that, too, the night-time worry thing, and my worries almost always revolve around money. Thankfully, it's not every night, only two or three a month! I hope your worries resolve themselves soon - and in the meantime, I've found a warm milk and a book do a lot to allay the night worries. (Yup, you're tired the next day, but I'd rather be tired because I was reading than because I worried all night!)

Ang said...

I truly sympathize, Ms. Huis! I'm sending good thoughts too! We both wish we could take that house renting issue off your plate. And I'm a nighttime worrier, too. The only thing I found that helps me is to listen to a sleep meditation cd every night before bed. I hope the night out helps!!

Allknowingjen said...

I'm a worrier too- though I usually do mine before falling asleep rather than waking up in the middle of the night. That's no fun either. My worrying of late is usually about finance and careers and things too, so I sympathize as well. So lots of good vibes headed your way- I hope your way becomes clear for you soon.
Have fun on your mom's night out!

ewe are here said...

I understand how hard it can be to turn off my brain at night. There were period of time I.could.not.stop.thinking! Which, of course, meant not enough sleep. Which, in turn, made it all so much worse.

And I do understand about missing family and friends. I like being in the UK right now, but there are things I definitely miss from back home.